How To Cope With An
Unsupportive Husband (Spouse)From Team Beachbody - Click here for resources, tools and information
to help you to reach your health, fitness and positive lifestyle
You've made a commitment that will change
your life. Your spouse has not. You've sworn off junk food and you workout six
days a week. Your unsupportive husband sits on the couch with the remote,
taunting you with bonbons and insisting reruns of "Baywatch" should have
priority over your Power Half Hour.
Marriages can fail or flourish as
a result of the physical and emotional changes that accompany success. We've
seen people get married thanks to their success. We've seen them renew their
vows. We've also seen individuals reach a hard clarity on relationship choices
that might have otherwise festered unanswered for years.
we've heard many stories of relationship stress caused by fear of change, or
change itself. It's not exactly a supportive environment for your new quest
when you choose to skip a nightly ice cream ritual in favor of calorie control.
But that change can signal "trouble" to a partner who was perfectly content
with the status quo. And that's where the trouble can start.
your wife or husband might be the one who off-handedly mentioned that you could
stand to lose a pound or two, but when confronted with any "sacrifices" they
might have to make, such as eating healthier or helping watch the kids while
you make time to workout, they're not as supportive as you'd like. And they
don't seem to understand that even though you now snack on celery sticks and
almonds, watching them chow down on chips and salsa is still a hideous
temptation that you would prefer to avoid.
Fortunately, there are
productive ways to address this problem that don't have to involve domestic
violence or a messy divorce. Recently, a beleaguered BeachBody.com bulletin
board member called out to her fellow fitness fanatics about her "chubby
hubby." The responses were varied and mostly very supportive. Amongst the
commiserating was some great advice on dealing with uncooperative spouses.
Although the pronoun "he" is used here liberally, we're sure you'll agree that
our members, mentioned here by their Message Board handles, offer some great
advice -- regardless of your spouse's gender.
Step 1: OPEN A
A few people suggested a simple diplomatic approach. "If it
were me, I would ask for his help," stated Melaura.
backed that up. "Ask him straight out why he would urge you to lose weight with
this program then make it more challenging for you," she insisted. "Remind him
that healthy eating isn't just for overweight people, but thin people can
benefit from a better diet too."
If he's still not buying it, some
suggest you play a little dirty: "I reminded my husband that if I was
successful in this program, I would feel better about myself," said Brit, "and,
in turn, that my sex drive would increase."
2. CREATE SIMPLE
Maybe he's not the talking type. In this case, resort to
simple straightforward solutions. Brit had a suggestion that involves "putting
all of his crappy food in a couple of drawers that we call his. I just don't
ever go there and that has helped."
Or you can hide the junk even
further away. Carol6328 made this deal with her partner; "I do the grocery
shopping so I get to pick what we have around the house. If he wants junk food,
I'll buy it but he has to take it to his office."
After doing this for
a couple months, Carol16328 discovered her cravings for garbage faded. "I
didn't have a problem with willpower and now we have all sorts of chips and
snacks in the house," she enthused.
3. SHE WHO COOKS,
Mom-o-plenty points out that if you're the house
shopper, you're probably also the house chef. "If your husband is complaining,
don't play into it," she said. "If you do the cooking and he wants to eat,
sooner or later he will either choose to eat what you are cooking or learn to
fix his own meals."
She's happy to report that after a little
grumbling, she's managed to convert her whole family to the healthy side of
dinner. "They have more energy and are not such couch potatoes," she delighted,
"and my husband is telling me that he isn't craving sweets as much."
Paxman chimed in with the male perspective on trying to eat healthy without a
lot of support from home. "(My wife) has always been the one to do most of the
grocery shopping," he explained, "so now I find that I have to make a shopping
trip (or two) dedicated to my new eating habits. Plus I cannot get her involved
in these habits, so I find that our meals consist of the family's meal... and
Of course, here's another twist on Paxman's advice. Tell your
junk-loving spouse that if they want unhealthy food in the house, they'll have
to buy it themselves.
4. LEAD BY EXAMPLE
If none of
this works, the healthy eater will still prevail in the long run. "Even skinny
people can be unhealthy," wrote Alyse27. "Just because your husband eats junk
food and doesn't gain weight, doesn't mean that it's not bad for him."
"Maybe once your family sees your awesome beach body that will motivate them
too," Want2lookgood added. "Personally, I wouldn't want to walk beside my
boyfriend if he had a six pack and I had six rolls."
5. WE STAND BY
Most importantly, remember that you have over 30,000 friends
on the message boards and 10,000 people within the Beach Body Support Team
standing behind you. There is always someone at BeachBody.com to listen and
help. "We all screw up sometimes. It's part of being human," confided Donna K,
"and we're always here with some positive feed back."
6. THE OTHER
Hopefully, you're feeling a bit more empowered now, but
before you confront your spouse, remember: just because exercise and healthy
eating are working for you, that doesn't mean you should impose them on
everyone else. You made a decision to live a healthy, active lifestyle with
Beach Body; they didn't. If someone had antagonized you into the decision, you
might never have followed through with your commitment.
fact is that when people see the changes in you, that you're feeling better
about yourself, they'll probably be inspired to support you and to make the
same commitment for themselves. Nothing is as motivating as seeing someone you
Getting to that point with your significant other may be
easy or it may be a long road. Just don't forget to keep pushing play. Don't
expect support, but be sure to acknowledge it when you get it because you're
one of the lucky ones.