Love Thyself and Fall In
Love With Yourself By Hara Estroff Marano
eDiets - The online diet, fitness, and healthy living resource
In this ongoing series, we've been talking
about creating lasting change and getting what you really want in life.
The operating premise is that it takes a sustained vision of the future. By
describing that vision in detail and visiting it regularly, it becomes an
ongoing source of motivation to get there.
Having a glowing vision of the future also
helps you tackle the core beliefs about yourself -- such as doubts about your
own unworthiness for success -- that have held you back until now. So as you
peel back the curtains around your core self, you become ready to tap the
source of all change and success -- self-love and forgiveness for past
failures. Self-love doesn't happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to
create it. These are among the most important elements of self-love.
- Honoring yourself and who you
really are. Love is your birthright. As Teilhard de Chardin said, We are
not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having
a human experience.
- Telling the highest truth, which is
that we are powerful beings capable of creating joy and success or pain and
suffering in our lives. We are not destined to be victims. We have the
power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility we have and
the greatest opportunity.
- Honoring who you are becoming.
Self-love involves recognizing that you are constantly evolving and growing to
become a more powerful and more loving being.
- Honoring your feelings and
responding to those feelings. Remember, feelings are important signals, and
even the so-called negative feelings of anger and fear serve the important
purpose of alerting us to the obstacles in our life.
Recognizing that the universe is literally
made of love. If we will just open ourselves to receive, like flowers
opening to the sun, then everything is possible, says Ti Caine,
hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California.
When things go wrong or goals don't
materialize, most people blame their past, their parents, life in general or
God. We are even encouraged to do this by friends and family who are
well-meaning. We also devote a great deal of energy to settling for what is,
without recognizing what we can become.
All the great wisdom traditions speak of
the unlimited power we have within us. Both quantum physics and psychology
offer proof that our thoughts create our reality. Yet, Caine points out that
many people strenuously object to the truth that we create our own reality.
They argue that it's not loving to
tell a sick person they had anything to do with creating their illness,
he says. Yet, by not owning their power when they are sick, they are
consigning themselves to a life of being a victim of any virus or circumstance
that comes their way. This powerlessness is the source of most depression, and
it leads to more illness and problems such as overeating.
He insists it is more honest and even more
loving to gently help people recognize the power they have to create their
reality, including failures. Once we do that, then we must forgive ourselves
for the painful experiences we have previously chosen in our lives. I
don't know all the parts of me that are creating the failed relationships, but
I am willing to learn about them.
Only by seeing how in the past we have
allowed problems to control us, and forgiving ourselves, can we really change
and be free to go forward in life feeling more powerful, able to create the
success and happiness we want.
Forgiveness, says Caine, is not only a form
of self-love, it is completely an inside job. First you have to own your
mistakes. Here is how this can be accomplished.
Hara Estroff Marano is Editor-At-Large of
Psychology Today magazine and Editor-In-Chief of Psychology Today's
Blues Buster, a newsletter about depression. An award-winning writer on
human behavior, Haras articles have appeared in publications including the
New York Times, Smithsonian, Family Circle and The
Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.