Love Thyself and Fall In Love With
Yourself
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In
this ongoing series, we've been talking about creating lasting change and
getting what you really want in life. The operating premise is that it
takes a sustained vision of the future. By describing that vision in detail and
visiting it regularly, it becomes an ongoing source of motivation to get there.
Having a glowing vision of the
future also helps you tackle the core beliefs about yourself -- such as doubts
about your own unworthiness for success -- that have held you back until now.
So as you peel back the curtains around your core self, you become ready to tap
the source of all change and success -- self-love and forgiveness for past
failures. Self-love doesn't happen by luck or the grace of God. You have to
create it. These are among the most important elements of self-love.
- Honoring yourself and who you
really are. Love is your birthright. As Teilhard de Chardin said, “We are
not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having
a human experience.”
- Telling the highest truth,
which is that we are powerful beings capable of creating joy and success or
pain and suffering in our lives. We are not destined to be victims. We
have the power to choose, and this power is both the greatest responsibility we
have and the greatest opportunity.
- Honoring who you are
becoming. Self-love involves recognizing that you are constantly evolving and
growing to become a more powerful and more loving being.
- Honoring your feelings and
responding to those feelings. Remember, feelings are important signals, and
even the so-called negative feelings of anger and fear serve the important
purpose of alerting us to the obstacles in our life.
- Recognizing that the
universe is literally made of love. “If we will just open ourselves to
receive, like flowers opening to the sun, then everything is possible,”
says Ti Caine, hypnotherapist and life coach based in Sherman Oaks, California.
When things go wrong or
goals don't materialize, most people blame their past, their parents, life in
general or God. We are even encouraged to do this by friends and family who are
well-meaning. We also devote a great deal of energy to settling for what is,
without recognizing what we can become.
All the great wisdom
traditions speak of the unlimited power we have within us. Both quantum physics
and psychology offer proof that our thoughts create our reality. Yet, Caine
points out that many people strenuously object to the truth that we create our
own reality.
“They argue that it's
not loving to tell a sick person they had anything to do with creating their
illness,” he says. “Yet, by not owning their power when they are
sick, they are consigning themselves to a life of being a victim of any virus
or circumstance that comes their way. This powerlessness is the source of most
depression, and it leads to more illness and problems such as overeating.”
He insists it is more
honest and even more loving to gently help people recognize the power they have
to create their reality, including failures. Once we do that, then we must
forgive ourselves for the painful experiences we have previously chosen in our
lives. “I don't know all the parts of me that are creating the failed
relationships, but I am willing to learn about them.”
Only by seeing how in the
past we have allowed problems to control us, and forgiving ourselves, can we
really change and be free to go forward in life feeling more powerful, able to
create the success and happiness we want.
Forgiveness, says Caine, is
not only a form of self-love, it is completely an inside job. First you have to
own your mistakes. Here is how this can be accomplished.
- Imagine a future where you
totally love yourself and have totally owned your power.
- Reach for an understanding of
why you would choose limitations in your life. We are often taught by family
and life experiences that being weak, sick or helpless is the way to get
attention or help. Look at your own and other people’s attempts to get
acceptance, attention and love. Ask yourself, what was I taught about being
lovable? About being powerful and responsible for my life?
- Then forgive yourself for
having made mistakes. Imagine how your future self would forgive you for a
mistake.
- Then you can consciously
create better methods for getting the acceptance, attention, love and success
that you want.
If you visit ticaine.com,
you can find additional worksheets and materials for guiding the process of
forgiveness and empowerment.
Hara Estroff Marano is
Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine and Editor-In-Chief of
Psychology Today's Blues Buster, a newsletter about depression. An
award-winning writer on human behavior, Haras articles have appeared in
publications including the New York Times, Smithsonian, Family
Circle and The Ladies Home Journal. She lives in New York City.
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